Selective Memory

Hello,

Note to the readers: If you should find yourself ever making up a nickname that resembles the name, Prudie McPruderprude, please do not continue reading.

Here is something that no amount of schooling can teach you.

So, I was watching the Olympics today (men's swimming!) and suddenly one, then like some traumatic, bitch-slapping slide show I saw everyone I have ever slept with's naked body flash in front of me. WHAT WAS THAT! Every dimple, curve, errand hair, everything.

I shrugged it off and and watched the women's relay and BANG! It happened again! The good, the bad, the ugly. What the heck!

I wish sleeping with someone was like owning a digital camera. After your picture taking experience is over, you can look over the session and delete, delete, delete all the ugly and inappropriate ones away. Everyone wins!

Sad to say, that is not how it works. I would pay good money to get specific people out of my head. Really good money.

And not that I'm a whore or anything, BUT after a while you can start to see people naked as they walk down the street in their everyday clothes. (In my dance career everyone wears tight dance clothes- this may have contributed to my problem) "Oh, if his calves look like that you know what that means....", "Baggy clothes means just one thing- paunchy." He's thin.......... but has no butt, change is good."

I had a friend in school who was born so premature that the doctor had to cut her an ass crack. Seriously. I have never seen her naked but that is so vivid that I may just as well have. Geez! I also know a guy who was so preemie that his mom had to wash him in a Cool-Whip bowl, cause she was afraid he would go down the drain. Now as it stands, I have seen him naked, and in the shower I had the same fear. But now I hope to hear that he is face down in a gutter somewhere and just as the EMT goes to rescue him, he slips off the street into the sewer to start a life of decay among the rats and trash.............or something like that.

But I digress, I wish I could remember all of those little wars that happened in America that were not the Civil War(for Jeopardy) or all the words to songs I knew as a child(karaoke). Instead, I'm stuck with a brain filled with dimly-lit bodies with scruffy faces, no names, and all the words to the Family Guy theme song.