Do I Not Make Sense?

Hello all,

I have come to the conclusion that I must not make sense. So many people I talk to think that I'm kidding or not understand what I'm saying, I feel like a crazy person.

Ex. 1

There is this girl I work with who is fairly meek and outgoing, which is an odd combination. She walked up to me the other day and said,

"Am I to understand that you are moving soon?"

"Uh-huh."

"Am I also to understand that you are moving to New York?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Ooh! Is that New York proper? Manhattan, as in?"

"Yeah. I leave on Sat."

"Oooh! Omigosh! Are you like going to be on Broadway?!?!?"

Clearly joking. "Yeah. Probably on Sun."

"Really? That's so amazing! You just went up like 1000 points on my personal scale. I should totally Facebook you so that I can come see you on Broadway the next time I'm there."

"Uh.....k."

Seriously that happened, she is in college so she can't be retarded or anything. I mean there are some pretty stupid people out there, some of which went to college, but she should wear a helmet to bed to avoid death.

There is this guy at work who totally wants to molest me. I have batted my eye lashes and brushed him off, pretty much on a daily basis since I have worked there because a little harmless flirting never hurt anyone. It's like charity, you know, like my public service for the year. I let him make his ever growing advances and I smile and walk away, but the other day he got serious.

"Hey Noah. I think before you go you should come over to my house and we could sleep together. I'd be like Vegas, ya know, what happens here stays here. So what do you say?"

"Indiana is nothing like Vegas, and I have a boyfriend."

"So that's fine, right? So you're saying that you're just going to leave me and we're probably not going to hang out before you leave?"

"No, we're probably not going to hang out."

"Oh Noah, you're so funny. That was like, so honest. That's so funny. But really........."

I walked away. Sometimes being gay is like being a giant pink elephant. When you're in a room with another pink elephant, everyone thinks that you should hook up, just because you're the only pink elephants in the room. That theory is even harder to disprove when the one who thinks it the most is the other pink elephant.

Just like accidents, the most confusing conversations happen at home.

"Noah, do you remember the Rosenburgersteinsens?"

"No, Mom."

"The ones that lived down the street?"

"No."

"In Lafayette?"

"No."

"They had that dog?"

"No."

"Their older daughter was your baby sitter."

"......no."

"You said that their younger daughter came up to you in a speech class and introduced herself."

"No."

"Well, anyways. They were hablah blah blah blah balh ablh bah balh ablyh ablh ablh ablh ablha blha blha blha blah blah blah blah blha blha bla blha blha blah blah blah blah blah blah ablh blah blah blah blah bah wedding, and they're going to be lucky to get a pastor."

"Well, you don't need a pastor to get married."

"If you want to be married under God you do."

"Um, isn't God everywhere?"

"Well, yes."

"Then why does it matter if a pastor does it? Won't God will be there regardless."

".........Well........you just do."

This reminds me of a day at the fair. I was sitting in a lawn chair reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and Mom walked across the barn talked to some woman, hugged her, and came to sit by me. I asked:

"Why did you hug that woman?"

"Because her father-in-law is about to pass away."

"Oh."

"And, he hasn't accepted Jesus into his life."

"So........."

"So, he's going to hell."

"............So let me get this straight. Just because he doesn't believe in our god, he's going to our hell?"

"Yes."

"Just wanted to make sure I understood." I continued to read my book.

It's way more fun to talk about God with Mom, still acting like your faith in Him is in the present tense. But, in all reality, there's more evidence proving that Santa exists.

I feel like a pretty linear person, but by the way people respond to me I must be crazy.