Doubting Noah

Hello all,

Sorry for the long lapse in entries. I died and woke up 26. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I have had way too much happen to me in the last month and a half. Look up "deluge of shit" and you'll see my picture next to it. Anyway, all this has made me think of on old saying:

"God only gives you as much as you can handle."

If that is true I have 2 things to say to God:

1. Bitch, you don't know me!

2. That's bull shit.

I had a theological chat with a young man named Hughes last week. I won't say where we chatted, but If I ever write a book I'll put it in there. Hughes is nineteen, has 2 children- one 7 months and one 1 1/2 months by two different women, stopped going to school in 6th grade and is constantly finding himself in illegal situations.

Me: Um, where do you go to school?

Him: Na, na, na, man, I don't go to no school. Dat shit not fo me, her?

Me: .......yeah.

Him: Na, na, na, I don't need no schoo. I already got me a job.

Me: Oh, really? Where do you work?

Him: Uh, I work in a fa'try. Doin' inventory 'n' shit.

Me: Well, that must be nice. Do you get to see your children very often?

Him: Na, na, na dey mom's is real mad at me and shit. Dey found out about eachova and dey go off da deep end fo sho.

Me: I see.

Him: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanna see 'em 'n' shit, but I keep gettin' arrested and shit. Ya see?

Me: Mm-hmm.

Him: God gave me dem babies so I could be a fava to dem.

Me: So, God gave you those children by two different women so that you could be a father to them and that makes you a better person?

Him: Yeah, yeah, yeah, ya see?

Me: I do. And he must really want you to see this by giving you 2 children in one year, especially at the tender age of nineteen.

Him: Yeah, you know?

Me: I do. And what do you think God's trying to tell you by arresting you every other week?

Him: Na, na, na, ya see, id ain't God dat make me do this.

Me: That's right! You need to take responsibility for your own actions!

Him: Na, na, na id ain't God dat make me do bad stuff..... uh-uh, it's Satan.

Me: Oh really?

Him: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Satan makes me do all this shit, but it's ok I know God will fo'give me.

Me: Oh really?

Him: Yeah, when I die, he gon fo'give me and he gon fo'give you too.

Me: Oh that's really alright.

Him: Wha?

Me: I don't really believe in God.

Him: Why?

Me: Well there's this little thing called science. If we believed in the bible and Jesus and whatnot, the earth would only be, like, thousands of years old. There are fossils and certain evolutionary processes that have needed millions of years to occur or else you probably wouldn't be here. Where is your god in all of that? Who says that your god is the right one? There are tons of religions all across the world, who told you you picked the right one? If you chose it at random, given your track record, I'm going to guess you probably picked the wrong one. I admire your faith, really I do. I think it's great that you have faith. If I were in your position and didn't have faith, I would kill myself. But I like to have faith in myself, and you should too. That, at least, you have some control over. I've been baptized and confirmed so I have all of the paper work done, so if I die and go to your heaven, while I'm on one side of the pearly gates and you're on the other, when I get to the head of the line and have my chat with Paul or Peter or whoever is manning the gates that day, I'll give you a wave, show them my papers and say, "Oh, don't worry. Hughs,over there, said God would forgive me."

Him: Well...... if it's cuz yo' gay 'n' shit, he fo'give you too.

Me: Awesome. I'm set then.