Rabbits + Restaurants = Hell

Hello,

So yesterday I was at a rabbit show. Yeah, I said it R-A-B-B-I-T S-H-O-W, it happened, I don't regret it. If it helps out it was a rabbit convention, yes they have conventions. Don't judge me. I was there visiting a brother, real one not a black person, and a friend. I used to show rabbits and thought this then and it is still true that people who show rabbits have some type of problem. Malformed, extreme obesity, crippled, social anxiety, a hexagon-shaped tongue that makes you talk funny, it's always something. I have a speech impediment that I inherited from my father. it's not too noticeable. One may think that it's a small Helen Hunt-like quirk in my cadence, but it's not. I i iii nn mmmm mmm mmm my hhhhhh hhhhe aaaad I sooooo uuuouundss ll lll lllli li li like th th th this.

Anyways, these rabbit people are crazy. Rabbits show as much affection as an iguana, don't let the fur fool you. The dog show may be 3 barns down, but the real bitches are at the rabbit show. And these poor people who show the rabbits clearly can only think one thing. The rabbits must clearly have some healing properties that they hope will cure their ailments. Like leaches, exhibitors place them on their chests in the shape of half footballs clutching on by their hook-like claws hoping that they will wake up tomorrow 500 lbs thinner able to ride in their Hover Round for fun instead of necessity. That's what I would do. The same people who were fat, slow, and crippled since I was a child were the same way yesterday.

I am extremely allergic to rabbits, so once I learned how to breathe and control my studder I was no longer in need of vapid affection of the rabbits thus being unfooled by their hypnotic stare. By the end of the day, granted it was only 90 min., I could feel hair in my throat and eyes as if the rabbits knew I was there and started to grow little bunny killers inside of me, determined to bring me back to the depths of hell. My eyes are still scratchy.

While I was there observing my friend show, a very large, horizontally and vertically, man walked by with a small white rabbit clutched to his chest (!) . I leaned over to my brother and said, "Oh Lenny, he likes to pet the rabbits." Expecting a huge laugh, clearly referencing the book Of Mice and Men, I look at my brother with vacant eyes. "Lenny.......Of Mice and Men.........you know.... the book."

"Uh, no"

"It's a famous American classic."

"I don't really read books."

"Um, OK, well, it was required reading in high school."

"Yeah, that was a long time ago. I'm really more of a movie person."

"It was a movie! It had Gary Sinise in it."

"Oh! Yeah.......I didn't see that."

By then I couldn't remember what made it funny. And explaining to someone who doesn't know the reference to which you are referring after examples and explanation.....well, that's not funny. I'm convinced I'm the Rockefeller baby dropped of in Crown Point, IN 25 years ago by mistake. I'm certain.

I am working in a restaurant right now, the people are............"good" people and I don't want to sound like I'm better than the average employee.......but I'm a better than them. I don't start off sentences with phrases like:

"Once I pay off this ticket for possession I'm gonna........."

or

"Yesterday I was talkin' to my 3rd kid's dad in prison and....."

or

".......and you know that cop took all of my pot home for himself."

And seriously, we are not in college. If you could not start every sentence off with, "God, I am so hung over....", that'd be great.