A B C Spells I Am Hot!

Hello all,

Today is the day! I'm so excited! It's like I'm finally getting a niece/nephew that I can really love! Today we are getting DTV. I could just cry. Bravo, TLC, MTV, VH1......sniff, sniff....my cup runneth over. My dad could not figure out how to make the digital converter box work through the VCR so instead he scrapped the whole idea and decided to get DTV. Usually I would discourage the drastic act of him spending money when we already bought the equipment to make it work, but not today. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I don't think I'll sleep for weeks.

And in the wake of that tremendous news, I have something to confess. I must ask that you refrain from judging me until I reach the end of the story. I answered a craigslist ad.........NO JUDGEMENT!!! It was not a hook up ad. It was a nice ad with only face pictures and a nicely constructed, genuine paragraph. Well, we chatted a bit via email and decided to meet at a bar in Indy. I'm calling this guy Mr. A.

I always like to be early, I feel like it gives me the upper hand. So I did a lap of the bar and waited for Mr. A. Oh, and I will preface this whole story by saying, that on the whole, I don't get hit on too often, except by 60 year olds with an Opie fetish and socially inept 30 year olds who own cats-I am very allergic.

So, I was waiting for Mr. A and I was approached by a tall, dark, and handsome man in a corduroy blazer and glasses, Mr. C.

Mr. C: "Uh, hi! Are you alone here."

Me: "Hi, for a little while."

Mr. C: "Would you like to come over here to the bar and chat? Can I buy you a drink?"

It was like I was on some type of dating show. I mean, I'm no gargoyle, but it was SO nice. I found out that Mr. C is from Chicago, hence the C, and was in town for a convention for the Illinois board of education. Truth be told I like a learned man, so I was already hooked. He was very complimentary and he and his friends decided right in front of me that I had to be at most 19. I like to stay out of the sun, so I get that more often than you would guess, after about 20 min. or so he and his friends were moving on to the next bar and asked me if I would like to join him. I told him that I was meeting someone so I declined the offer,we traded numbers, and I thanked him for the drink.

And since I had such great luck leaning against a pillar, I went back to that spot, location, location, location. After just a few minutes, I was approached by a blonde man in a baseball cap and after chatting for just a few minutes I learned he was from Boston- Mr. B.

Mr. B: "Uh, hi. Are you here alone?"

Me: "Hi, for a little while."

Mr. B: "Do you want to come over here and chat? Can I buy you a drink?"

I informed Mr. B that I was meeting someone who would be there at any time, but he was not phased. Mr. B had just moved from Boston to find a new place to live and to escape the wreckage of a past relationship. Normally I would have avoided this guy after saying this, but he was cute enough to keep the ball rolling. I told him of my past relationship and we bonded over that. He was shocked to hear that mine was for 5 1/2 years, because again he thought I couldn't be more than 19 years old. He then told me that his past relationship lasted for 10 years!!

Just as I was giving him my number Mr. A finally showed up. Awkward. But I think I handled it as well as could be expected; thanking Mr. B for his time and moving to the main event.

Though I had seen pictures of him online, Mr. A was shockingly tall and lanky, both attributes I am perfectly fine with. But if I looked 19 to the rest of the bar he had to have been 17, tops. He informed me that he was 27, graduated from a local university and lives with his aunt who is going through a divorce. I thought that was a little odd but his next question would leave me captivated for the next few hours.

Mr. A: "Do you have a cat? I'm so allergic."

Out of nowhere, "Do you have a cat?". I have often wanted to ask that because I can't count the number of times I have gone home with a guy and woken asphyxiated by my own mucus and seen a cat at the foot of the bed in the morning. Seeing as how the dating pool is more treacherous than I can explain, I took this commonality as a good omen. He told me that he didn't really drink too much and only liked fuzzy navels, with not too much alcohol, and commented on how straight I seemed with my beer.

That is the first time anyone has ever called me straight looking in my entire life. ENTIRE LIFE.

We then proceeded to chat about how normal we both seemed for having meet online and our interests. He made it a point to inform me that he is one of the biggest fans of Justin Guarini, the runner up in the first season to American Idol, in the country. Strike one.

As the night progressed I tried to interest him in dancing and other forms of contact, but he did not respond. He told me how cute he thought I was many times but didn't advance at all. Mixed signals, party of one, mixed signals, party of one.He was more of an awkward 17 year old that I could have imagined. Aren't we gay men? Aren't we all nice, animated guys who are all whores on some level? He affectionately pecked me on the cheek a few times and then out of nowhere told me that he wasn't going to make out with me. Strike two.

As the bar was at last call, we looked at eachother puzzled on how to end the evening. He asked where I was parked and if he could drive me to my car. He had just gotten the new Madonna live tour CD and wanted to listen to it with me while we trade massages at 3 AM on a Saturday night. Strikes three, four, and five. OUT!

He was very nice but I should have known there was something up with him when he told me that his longest relationship was for a month in college. As a 27 year old, if that's your longest relationship you're probably damaged goods. I haven't heard from him, and that's ok, but I have been texting and chatting to Mr. C, and on that note I would like to issue a preventative apology.

I would like to apologize to one of my brothers, with whom shares a name with Mr. C. I may have gotten your numbers mixed up in my phone and if you have received any texts or pictures via phone that may have seemed more than brotherly.....or down right slutty, please disregard.