Late Night Bromance?

Hello all,

I have not been posting lately because of my work schedule. I go in and mentally check out, so there's a big part of my day I don't remember. I have been trying to stay cognitive for the last couple so I could spew out a blog worthy of me.

So there is this guy at work..............I know what you're thinking, I wish. No, he's some big guy, a real blowhard, a belligerent ass. He makes all of these chauvinistic jokes to the girls, but I think he has a bit of a thing for me. Yikes!!! Everyone has noticed.

The other day he came up to me and said, "Hey, ya know I used to teach hip hop." How would I know that? I hate people who say that they teach hip hop, yoga, personal trainer, same thing, everyone thinks they can. No, you can't. Anyways, he came up to me and said, "Hey, ya wanna see me do something cool?" No no no no no no, "Um......k."

He turned around and said, "I can shake just my ass." He proceeded to what he thought was an isolation of his his ass, but because of his ample stature and the law of inertia, his whole body vibrated like the cup of water on the dashboard in Jurassic Park once the T-Rex was on the hunt. I almost threw up.

He was so proud of himself. I said, "Well......ya..........Uh........ I, ur.", and quickly left, pretending to look busy. He has done this to numerous people in front of me hoping to see some validation in my face. It ain't gonna happen. He comes up to me and feels my arms saying that he wished and and was trying to get a "Skinny-Minnie" body like mine. Thanks?

I am moving to NY in 2 1/2 weeks and he is thinking on moving back and tries to give me advice that sounds like this:

"Hey, ya know about the red buses, the ones run by the Mexicans, do you know where those let out, they come right into Times Square, for only $2, yeah, their great, it only takes 20 min., anywhere in the city, 20 min., that how it was for me, yeah, their run by immigrants and they don't charge a lot of money and they might go under ya know because of the government but what are ya gonna do, huh, speakin' o' which, who are ya gonna vote for, politics don't mean much to me, but who, huh, who, come on, it's not gonna piss me off, who."

He does this to me 9 times a day, I 'm secretly plotting his death.

Last night I was watching David Letterman and Richard Simmons was on. I never really realized how much Richard Simmons and my mom look the same. Same hair, chunky white tennis shoes, very excitable, like a small dog. Although, his clothes are much more interesting and colorful and his legs look better in shorts. Seriously Letterman, what kind of world do we live in where Richard Simmons gets 2 segments and Mary Louise Parker only gets one? He was lucky Craig Furguson was on after him or I'd be getting very pissy. I used to watch Conan, so I flipped over to see who his guests were, they were good, but then you have to deal with watching him. That wasn't worth the effort. Seriously watch Craig Furguson.

I'm thinking about getting a Mr. Potato Head. I'm going through a stressful time in my life, and when I do, I find it comforting to get obsessed with simple things. When I was applying for colleges and scholarships I got a Bear in the Big Blue House coloring book and a Crayola 96 box to avoid the stress mandated by Mom.

"Noah, the Kiwana's scholarship for mediocre red heads is due this Monday when are you going to start working on it?"

"I don't know, I'm out of plum do you think Pip and Pop could be wisteria instead?"

"What?"

"Pip and Pop, Bear's otter friends. I think their brothers, or maybe just friends, I don't know, but I know they're the same color."

"Noah, you have to finish this, are going to do it or not?"

"Yes, but the sharpener on the box is crappy. If the crayons aren't sharp it looks like a 2 year old colored this."

"Noah!!"

"I know, 2 year olds don't really color too often."

Yes, I should get a Mr. Potato Head.