I Need Vodka NOW!!!!

Hello all,

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!, which my dad told me is now a holiday/reason to go to church. Seriously, my parents went to church tonight with the only reason being Thanksgiving Eve. WTF. Didn't the pilgrims come here because they wanted to get away from strict religion and rape Indians......Native Americans.......whatever.

I have been helping Mom make the dinner for tomorrow, and I need a drink so badly. Is that the sign of being alcoholic? If it is, I'm an alcoholic and and I have no desire to go to rehab. She is constantly starring at me and asking me patronizing questions. I am trying so hard not to answer with, "No duh bitch, how 'bout you follow me into the bathroom and watch me wipe my own ass? I am not a fucking idiot and can read a recipe just fine without you translating it into "retarded". " This could be misconstrued as hateful and I feel like I'll need to save that emotion for Christmas.

But really, I need a drink. I also have some really devastating news. I know this may come as a shock to many of you who know me and I am having a very hard time dealing with the significant life change that lies ahead of me. I don't really know how to say this.........I think I might be becoming lactose intolerant!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Gay, no problem, devastated and single, no problem, living at home for an undetermined period of time,......not as big of a problem, lactose intolerant-PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what I'm going to do. Cheese is such a big part of my life. Seriously, if I didn't wake up tomorrow, I'd be OK with that. I need a drink or 7.

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OK, so right now as I am typing, my parents dog woke up my dad and he is now standing 4 ft. away from me in his underwear, letting the dog outside. This is going to show up in a session with my psychologist in the not too distant future. I was supposed to be living in NYC with a boyfriend, who didn't cheat on me with some 19 year old, dancing on Broadway, and living the life of some young, awesome person. Instead, I am living in parents house, pining to use my degree to get a job in an Irish pub (where people will think I work there just because of my red hair), crying on a daily basis as I watch Grey's Anatomy on DVD, lactose intolerant and sitting 4 ft. away from my dad in a pair of white briefs.

"Hey, Noah! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, what are you thankful for?"

Me: " ..............................................."

If this is the point in the story of my life where I build lots of character and become a more independent and better for the experience.......I'm out! I'm not interested! I thought I was chock full of character before this! End of the rope, fat lady has sung, t'ain't no mo!! I'M OUT!!!!!