I've Been Craigslisted Vol. III

Hello all,

I write this to you today as the rain trickles outside. For all those who bitch and moan about rainy days and it being "yucky" weather I have three words for you. Go fuck yourself. I burn in January, enjoy the smell of rain, and with the added humidity in the air, it is the perfect weather for singing around the house while nobody's home. If the drastic weather change of rain affects you so much that you need to complain to me about it, move to a dessert and shut up.

Anyways, I have been craigslisted again! I know! I will soon have to hire an armed body guard to protect me and then fall in love with me after nobody cares, alla The Bodyguard. As per usual, I was at work minding my own beeswax and a handsome businessman in his early 40's came through my lane. We didn't really speak outside of the usual and he made sure to touch my hands and linger as I handed him his bag and receipt. After about 10 paces he turned around to look at me and also stopped just before the door to throw me a glance before he left.

Woohoo! It's really the little things in life. I mean, I'd enjoy winning 200,000 million dollars but if I can get checked out by a well off business man, that'll do too. Later on that night I hopped on ye ol' craigslist and look what I found:

Hi there...came through your line today at the (place where I work) and our eyes locked a couple of times. I would very much like to take care of what is inside those khaki pants you were wearing. I was the one that bought the bread around noon today. If you are interested, please let me know. When you write, please include your name...yes, I looked at your name tag...so I can verify it is you.

Yeow-za! Unlike the O.G. from Vol. 2, he was much more handsome and well off, so naturally I sent him a line back to see what would happen. And he wrote back:

Hi Noah....you made something inside of me come alive that I haven't felt for a couple of years. I used to have a very good, close male friend and we would get together quite a bit and would make each other feel very good. I haven't felt these desires until I saw you yesterday. He also had a friend that would join us on occasion and that was even better. I am married and I have to be extremely discrete so if you are interested in making each other feel very good...let me know. Also, what did you have in mind??

Who-ho-ho-hoa hold on there partner! Aside from all the cheesiness of desires and what not which is B.S. Married?!?!?! What is up? Can't a guy meet another guy and not be old, fat, ugly, hairy, poc-faced, stupid, poor, and MARRIED, fall in love and live happily ever after? What is with all the hurdles?

Joking aside I thought about it for a second and a half and thought it was not it was not in my best interest. I wrote back:

If it's my choice, I think I'm going to have to pass. Although I do love many things in the bedroom, my biggest turn on is a guy who's out. I've been a cheap floozy for long enough don't know if this is the best idea. I've been a cheater and been cheated on and would feel bad for your wife., I'm the marrying kind and am looking for the next Mr. Right, call me old fashioned. Good luck with finding a fuck buddy and if you get a divorce, send me a line.

Cute, coi, and honest, no? I have edited out some choice material from these messages because they would make even the most brazen blush. He sent me a final message:

Thank you very much Noah...I do appreciate it. And while I am very disappointed, I understand completely and hope you find the love of your life, your soul mate. You are very attractive and please know...I don't post at all, but found something in your look that did something to me. I am in that Target often and will probably see you at times...will make sure I smile and wink...while checking out your ass of course ;-)

Ug, let it go already with all of the spirituality crap. He just wanted a lil' sum'in', sum'in'. What is thos look I do? Let's just say I'm sure he has been cheating on his wife for a long time. I never get guys who are bi. I don't believe in bisexuality. They just want it all and are afraid to embrace the awesomeness that is being a gay man. You can be as feminine or masculine as you want! Be gay! Funny quips, tight shirts, and no pregnancy! What's not to like?