The One Night Engagement of a Dandelion

Hello all,

It was brought to my attention the other day that dog pee kills grass. I’ve always thought this and have seen it on TV, but the opposite is true for my little Wunderhund. (It’s German, look it up, think Wunderkind.) I know it may seem trivial, but everywhere my dog pees, there is a spontaneous growth of grass. It’s like the Fountain of Youth leakin’ right out of my Scottie. I always knew he was gifted. Some guy at work told me that if a dog drinks a lot of water it helps grass instead of kills it.

Since most of my day consists of work and watching television, the only time I have for my own thoughts is while I’m out with my dog as he spreads the elixir of life all over the yard. My mind wanders from show tunes to life goals, craigslist to my failed attempt at life, and with the new spring weather I always look upon the new blooms. There are many amazing blossoms to gaze upon; the new lilac bush, the neighbor’s tree we claim as our own, and this weird bush/tree-type plant that has very tropical fuchsia flowers in the spring and mystery pear/apple fruit in the fall that are completely inedible -believe me I know, yuck. But my eyes always fall upon the dandelion.

I know the dandelion is a weed, but when I thought about it what an interesting and seductive life it leads. It’s clearly a weed that can ruin a perfectly good lawn, but who are you kidding, it’s a flower!? Everybody loves a flower! It’s little and simple and yellow- the color of friendship (again, look it up, although it’s not German). It’s so pretty and harmless. After the first change in the weather, I opposed Dad mowing the lawn because seriously look at the lawn, it’s so pretty! But just you wait Henry Higgins, just you wait….

The next morning, I went out with my dog from whom all blessings flow and saw that even though the grass was abundant and green, my pasture of sunny-faced flowers were replaced by its skeletal counterpart. Just overnight, OVERNIGHT! The dandelions which were so perfect and uplifting were gone and left in its place was the potential for more of its toxic siblings. Now, I think that blowing on a day old dandelion is just as fancy as the next gal, but think about what you’re actually doing. You’re planting more weeds, maybe not on purpose, maybe not even you, it could be the wind, an animal, anything has the ability to spread the epidemic of the weed.

As per my dramatic usual, I looked at the dandelion and saw my old relationship with Fuckhead. Yes, on the surface everything looked fine but overnight POOF! Fucked. Overnight, it seems, I developed more problems from something that could have been remedied numerous other ways if I just would have had the foresight to see my problems for what they were- problems. I’m not saying that I would have been the one to break things up, I wouldn’t have, it’s not how I was raised. I’m a gardener, not an exterminator.

There’s no easy way to solve these problems I’ve gotten into, it’s not as easy as Dad mowing them over in the morning. I can only hope that the wind will just eventually blow it all away and everything will be OK. On the upside, many of the little parachute seeds that dance right off the dandelion get caught in the mane of my magical dog and I CAN comb/wash/recomb it right out of him. It’s nice to have some control over the problem.