Behind the Scenes Vol. I

Hello all,

Due to an inconvenient facebook faux pas on my part I will now tell what the who-ha-dilly-yo has been going on behind the scenes of my mildly entertaining blogs. There are many facets that can be added to this to make it far more interesting but I probably perform them better live and in hindsight they were much more dramatic as it was happening. I will now break it down fo' you in bullet points.

-On Valentine's day I went out by myself, as I had been doing, and decided to get myself a quality lay for a nice change of pace. Well, after a few drinks I met a hot blonde guy, we exchanged some pleasantries in the bathroom stall, and decided to go to another bar.

-That is were my memory cuts out. As from what I can piece together from text messages and snapshots of cognitive thinking; I had many drinks bought for me, I made out with some guy who looked like a Beetle that I think I worked with at the Gap, and I had many condoms and phone numbers stuffed in my pocket.

-Police lights.....failed sobriety......handcuffs......nice chat with a female police officer. You get the picture.

-I was taken to the processing center where I had no clue on how to communicate to the outside world, no one knew where I was; my parents thought that I was spending the night with whomever I met the night before, which is very progressive of them.

-In a suit vest, tie, and tight jeans I did not fit the bill of the average abusive heroin fiend, so I got many a quizzical stares. Luckily enough I befriended the only other gay person there. He was a skinny twink, probably weighed about a buck thirty. He was moving home to Chicago the next week, had a vague history with a gay pornography site that never produced his video or pictures, and a fetish for beefy cops, of which there were plenty. After the first couple of hours we parted ways.

-After that I was grouped in cells with kids of my alma mater and similar levels of grammar, sent to the judge where I received a court date in poor handwriting and eventually given back my belongings (2 pockets worth of Mardi Gras beads and condoms) and thrown back on our capital's streets.

-Oddly enough no one in my company could legally drive but I was the only one who didn't have his car towed so I got us home. The last boy on my stop lives 2 miles away from me and his brother dated on of my high school friends. Small world. He was very handsome and had just started classes to become a skin specialist for Aveda. He was not gay, let me repeat, not gay. We had a long time to talk, so eventually I had to have the whole "I'm gay and my life is pretty normal" talk with him. He said that he didn't know any gay people. Seriously.....seriously? You're in Aveda skin care school and you don't know any gay people? He said that I seemed pretty cool and that he was lucky he was the only boy with all the girls in class because the odds were in his favor for "hittin' that". Straight.

-I eventually made it home where I showered the smell of government issue bologna sandwiches and the lower class immediately off of me. I fell in to my Mom's arms and cried like a freakin' baby, did the same thing to Dad the next day. They've been very great and supportive throughout the whole thing.

More to come.