Old Man Candy

Hello all,

As you remember from "I've Been Craigslisted Vol. 2", there is an older gentleman, "O.G.", that posted an ad for me on craiglsilst. We sent a few emails back and forth and he asked me out numerous times but I decided that I was not interested and had standards enough not to pursue a relationship with and old guy.

Well, he kept emailing me and I responded because I was raised well. He eventually came to my work one day and took it a step too far. We had talked a little about our lives, exes, and dogs and I was actually thinking that we could hang out. I mean if I love anything it's attention, so what's the harm in getting my fix with no strings attached? He had visited me at work before, and as usual, I was too busy to have an actual conversation. But there was something different about him today. He was dressed up. Nice shirt, uncomfortably unbuttoned down to the forth button, I prefer 1 or 2, pressed slacks and an overdose of cologne. This was like a mini date for him.

After I absorbed what I was dealing with I got very quiet and finished my job. Upon bagging the last of his goods he grabbed my hands as I handed the bag to him. I dropped the everything and he placed something in my hand. Mind you, this all happened while my manager was standing behind me, waiting to sent me to a different register and there was a line of people. I first thought that he gave me a lump of coal, but upon further investigation I saw that had given me a ceramic Scottish Terrier magnet the size of a small peach.

"Wha....uh...oh...thank you.....", was all I could say as I was hurried off to my next location. How creepy is that? I think really, really creepy. I've made the conscience decision to not have Scottie shirts, magnets, cups, or stickers because I live with one. Why do I need reminded of what my pet is? I can just look down and there he is. I don't need a lot of crap to remind me of what kind of dog I have. If I loved unicorns or hippos or something not readily available in Indiana, then maybe, maybe I would get a hippo T-shirt, but I don't need a magnet of my dog to put on the fridge when chances are he's at me feet licking the vegetable drawer.

By the look on his face, I could tell O.G. was very pleased with his gift, but I didn't have adequate time to make up an exaggerated thank you. So I texted him my thanks later. I also told him that he looked as though he was not coming to see just a friend and told him that although he told me he was coming to get groceries he didn't get any food at all. He texted back that maybe he did come to see me, driving 40 min, but he was not going to get attached.... Look up attached in the dictionary and you'll see a picture of awkward presents between mild acquaintances. I told him that I wasn't certain that he could distance his feelings for me into just a friendship and that it was best if we parted ways. He was not happy with this decision but he obliged.

My mom found the magnet and put it on the fridge because, "I don't know, I though it looked like it belonged on the friderator and I didn't want it magneticecising the thingie on your keys....." Um, ok Mom. I get any knowledge of anything technical from my Dad, strangers, or television.

Later on that day, with my small Scottie in my pocket, I had another encounter with an older gay gentleman. He was very tall and pot-bellied, gray hair and wearing sunglasses inside, one of my pet peeves. We had this conversation as he eyed me up and down, smiling and winking the entire time.

Him: "Um do you know where I'd find things for cold sore?"

Me: "Uh, do you mean like Abreva?"

Him: "Yea, yea, something sorta like that."

Me: "Well, did you check the pharmacy?"

Him: "It's Sunday, no one's there."

Me: "Well, you might want to look around the chapstick. I think there should be something there."

Him: "Well it's not really a cold sore. It's like a cold sore.....ya know...but it's down there." (as he gestured downwards)

Me: " OH!.....Ah, well you may want to go see an actual doctor about that. I...I....I don't know if we have anything over the counter for you.....but you can check."

He winked, smiled, and walked away and I threw up in my mouth. How can I not get a guy who was born in my decade to look at me but if you're above the age of 40 you clearly see a shirt that says "Slut, Twink, Lovin' the Oldies" on me!?!? I gotta change jobs, I'm getting to old for this.